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I have been working on this post for quite sometime, being a little afraid to expose this part of myself but knowing for certain that I am being prompted and that the time is now. But then tonight I attended a devotional where the main speaker shared his own story which was very similar to mine. For a little while I had second thoughts about posting this tonight because several of those that attended the devotional also follow my blog. I worried about how it would be received instead of remembering those promptings that have kept me awake these past few weeks. I briefly spoke with my Bishop as I left the church and he counseled me to Act on those promptings. I quickly realized that the Lord often teaches through repetition. For who or whatever reason it is time for me to publish this post.
This post is written for adults, parents and teens. My hope is to open your eyes more fully to the dangers of substance abuse. From personal experience I know there are generally other things going on in someone’s life before they turn to drugs and alcohol. Some are peer pressure, lack of confidence, low self esteem, wanting to fit in, depression, sin, abuse, being an over achiever, fear of failing, deep sorrow and anxiety. I really dont like to think back to this part of my life, but if my story and testimony of the Atonement of Christ can help someone to turn their life around or avoid making the mistakes I did, the few moments that I visit my past is totally worth it!
I wish I could say that I never ventured into the world of drugs and alcohol, but that statement would not be true. At the age of 19 that’s exactly where I found myself. Everyone told me it would stop the pain. I had experienced loss of a parent, moving to a new school, abuse, a teenage marriage and divorce, depression, and loss of self worth. I know those things are really no excuse, but they wore me down to the point that all I could think about was to stop hurting! I found myself swirling around in a deep dark hole that seemed to have no bottom. At this point I didn’t really care about keeping commandments and had broke most of them. The turning point for me was one particular night when I was driving home after partying and I couldn’t find my apartment. I can’t find words to express just how scary that was for me! I realized then that I was either going to end up in jail or dead. That was the first time I prayed out loud in along time. I woke up in my bed, not really sure how I had gotten there, nor did I have much recollection of the things that had transpired the night before.
I didn’t really know what to do or where to begin to make significant changes, but I knew I had to. I don’t think I have ever felt more alone in my life. So I prayed and cried and prayed some more. I was so blessed when a knock came on my apartment door and the Bishop in the area I lived in, introduced himself and invited me to church. I know without any doubt that my prayer was heard that day. It took alot of courage to take him up on his offer…. but I did. Luckily my period of alot of bad choices was short lived, and through repentance and patience I eventually found my Eternal companion and married in the Logan LDS Temple.
You might be thinking that my story had a nice ending, but my challenges didn’t stop there. The result of my poor choices and the poor choices of others had lasting effects that carried into my years of being a wife and mother, making things much more difficult. You see…..I hadn’t really learned how to forgive myself and others or how to access the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I also had big trust issues and I struggled with letting anyone get close to me. I preferred staying away from people as much as possible. I struggled with making eye contact thinking that people could see my past when they looked at me. I thought I had repented but I still carried shame and guilt. I wasn’t always the best wife but my husband was always very patient and kind. I was determined that my kids would never make the mistakes I did. Giving them their agency was difficult. I endured many more hardships with a chronic illness (diagnosed in 1986), bed ridden pregnancies, the passing of two sons and one daughter, and the passing of my husband seven years ago to cancer……but I now see the wisdom in those trials. The Lord tries us and proves us to help us grow. Each trial has taught me important gospel principles and has drawn me closer to my Father in Heaven. I am still working at being the person that a kind and loving Father in Heaven wants me to be. But hey…I am getting there slowly!
I will be forever grateful for the gift of repentance and the help of my Heavenly Father’s servants here on earth who I have crossed paths with these past 8 years. I know that it is no coincidence that I became connected with certain people when I was at the lowest point in my life, not wanting to be here anymore. Their wisdom, guidance and unconditional love has far surpassed anything I could have ever imagined. Counseling has also played a big part in my recovery and progress. After 47 years I finally feel the effects of substance abuse and sin lifted!!!
I now have a greater empathy and understanding for those who have been caught in the web of one of Satan’s snares. The best advice I can give to someone dealing with this horrible sugar coated falsehood, is to turn to your Father in Heaven and find a trusted friend or family member who can support you in making serious changes in your life. Christ can be that trusted friend if you will let him. For teens who haven’t crossed the line to experience drugs and alcohol, good for you!!! It can destroy you spiritually, physically and mentally, it kills brain cells besides harming other organs, it does not take pain away, it only creates more. It is a tool of Satan to pull you down to destruction!
I am living proof that there is a way back! That way is through following the commandments in the Holy scriptures and through the grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ who has suffered and died for the sins and suffering of all mankind. He has felt your pain and my pain. I have personally felt His cleansing power! I love Him! I will always honor Him with deep reverence and respect. If you have lost your way, seek help now!!! Don’t think you can beat it on your own!!! If you know someone struggling with substance abuse, love them and encourage them to get help!
By Tanya Christiansen
The 12 step addiction recovery program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is there to help anyone with any kind of addiction! addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org.
National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP
Drugs and Alcohol Kill!
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