A year ago I wouldn’t have been able to talk about this subject openly to the public. But I can now! The possible benefits to others outweigh admitting openly that I have struggled with social phobia my whole life. I am certain that I am not alone in this struggle. I hope and pray that I will be able to help someone as I share some of those things that have helped me with this challenge.
I was labeled ‘SHY’ from a very young age on. I grew up hating that word! And I guess I still do. (Something I need to work on.) Anyway, SHY meant WEAK to me. My mother and brother struggled with social phobia as well. I guess that could have had an impact on me. I didn’t make friends easily. However, I did have one good friend through junior high and high school whom I felt I could be myself around. Being with her allowed me to breathe for a while.
Let me tell you from my own experiences that those people out there who want to take advantage of someone, (for whatever reason) prey on those who appear weak and vulnerable. So if you are shy try to at least appear confident and strong for your own protection.
Do you judge a book by its cover??? Well, in my opinion that is not a very good idea. A plain an uninviting cover might not reveal the depth of enjoyment or lessons taught that the pages contain. Or a book with a beautiful and intriguing cover might contain words that harm and even addict a reader’s mind.
Unfortunately I was teased, laughed at and abused enough that I built a protective wall around myself. I trusted only a few. It’s a lonely place to be. But it was how I coped. You would think as I became an adult and left those people and places behind I would have felt freed from the grasp of being shy and vulnerable….. But….that wasn’t the case. I was still that weak and shy person I had become and now I was surrounded by all these neighbors whom I visualized as people who had it all together, which only made me feel more inferior. And actually that wasn’t the truth at all.
I developed several coping mechanisms that helped me get through each day that might even sound ridiculous to some but to me I couldn’t have made it without them at the time. One was to look out my window to check for people before getting the mail or before making a mad dash to my car. Another was always parking close to an entrance for a quick get away. I didn’t like making eye contact or speaking in front of people. I always sat in fear of being called on at church. I avoided people at the grocery store and didn’t attend very many social things and when I did I was extremely uncomfortable.
I wish I could say that everyone was kind, but like the cover of that book, I was judged by my appearance. Some comments were made to my face and others came back to me through the grape vine. People judged without knowing what was going on inside of me. Please be kind to others, you don’t know what they are going through.
Now why did I decide I needed to change? Well because I knew deep inside that I was a child of God and that I possessed strength and attributes waiting to be developed. I didn’t do this for people or to have friends even though I do enjoy the friendships I have made. I did this for me and my family. I did this for my Father in Heaven. I want to be an instrument in His hands to help others who are struggling. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be confident and strong. I want to be safe from harm!
In closing I want to share with you some of the things that have helped me to overcome social phobia:
1. Share your deepest thoughts and feelings with your Father in Heaven in prayer. Express your desires to change and overcome your obstacle.
2. Find at least one person who you can trust who will give you encouragement and love you unconditionally.
3. Be willing to take those first few steps in the dark which eventually lead to the light. Start with something small maybe by inviting a couple of people to your home. Practice making eye contact. Say hi to someone at that the store instead of avoiding them.
4. Go to a social activity even if you don’t stay the whole time. While you are there distract your fearful thoughts by using your senses. Count 5 things you can see, and hear. Touch 5 different things. Can you smell anything? What is it?
5. Make a comment or voice your opinion. It doesn’t matter what other people think. Your opinion is your opinion.
6, Seek professional help if necessary.
I can promise you that if you have the desire and pray for help, putting forth effort to overcome Social Phobia that you will succeed and little by little you will feel this obstacle becoming less and less noticeable as time goes on.
I love this little quote:
“No one can make you feel inferior but yourself.”
Thanks to all of you who are reading my posts! Please share with others! Comments welcome here or on facebook. Or write Tanya Christiansen at ctr75@comcast.net