I don’t claim to be an expert in raising teens by any means, but I have learned a thing or two from raising five energetic, anxious, sensitive, independent, competitive, smart, beautiful daughters!
Face reality! Babies do not come with an instruction book! Most of the things I have learned, unfortunately came from ‘trial and error.’ I quickly learned that each of my daughters were uniquely different, and responded and grasped learning in their own personal way.
At times I felt very unqualified to help mold and shape these beautiful spirits from heaven into confident, strong and successful mortal adults. I think partly because I didn’t consider myself as one. My husband was an excellent provider, spouse and father but traveled a big majority of those years that our daughters were growing up, so much of the responsibilities of raising them fell to me.
I want to share with you the four C’s of raising Teens that I believe can be beneficial to any parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, church leader, neighbor or friend. After all, I believe it takes a whole community to help the youth in this world grow and develop into strong, courageous and responsible adults!
Compassion
As humans we all need compassion and love. Teens have enough uncertainty going on in their minds without wondering if they are loved and truly cared about. Compassion means sometimes just listening and trying to understand what your teen is going through. I was raised in a family where the words ‘I Love You’ weren’t spoken. I really didn’t think about compassion and understanding until I had children of my own. I must have felt the lack of it growing up because I was determined that I would be there for my kids and be sure they knew of my love for them.
Communication
I can’t express enough the importance of open communication between you and your teen. My father died when I was eight and I had none of this growing up with my mom. Her generation was much more private when it came to conversations and discussing more serious topics such as dating, morality, chastity, sexuality and marriage. I remember trying to talk to my mom only one time about something very personal and her response was, “we dont talk about things like that.” I dont blame my mom for her response because it was just the way things were back then. But…..it did close that door of communication. I developed an unhealthy perception of morality and sexuality. Teens need truthful answers to their questions but choose your words carefully. Show interest in what they are expressing to you without judgement. Guide them and make suggestions without giving them the solution to their problems.
Consequences
Consequences can be both positive and negative. Good choices bring the consequence of success and happiness. While mistakes and bad choices bring the consequences of despair, sadness and even punishment. No child, teen or adult is exempt from this fact. Consequences are what help teens to make better choices in the future. All consequences follow some type of action. Family rules are just as important as laws. Involving your teens when making those rules and deciding what the consequences will be can be beneficial. Involving them puts the ball in their court. I didn’t really have any rules growing up or curfews. I didn’t even have chores. Our house was spotless but my mom did it all besides working outside the home. I dated at fourteen and married at seventeen. I experienced many hardships with lasting negative effects that have taken a lifetime to overcome. I believe that rules and consequences give teens a sense of safety and protection. It also helps them to know they are genuinely cared about. Teens want boundaries even if they say they don’t.
Consistency
The lack of consistency with your rules and consequences tell children and teens that you’re not serious. As hard as it is sometimes to follow through it is probably one of the most important messages you can give your teen. Sometimes it is referred to as tough love. This is such a valuable lesson for youth to learn when heading into the adult world. As you are consistent your teens will gain respect for you and know that you stand behind the words you speak with nothing wavering. Consistency will bring them a feeling of security. (Even if they won’t admit it.)
The world out there can be cruel, crazy and uncertain and it seems to be getting more so all the time. I know that the youth living today are strong. They have to be! I believe that God loves each one of them with a perfect love. He will guide you as you teach them if you ask for help in faith!
There is Life After Teens!
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