Roses and Mothers are much the same, both are God’s Masterpieces
This post is in honor of my Mother who passed away Jan. 20, 2021 at the age of 100, just three weeks before turning 101. What an amazing person she was and is still, I’m certain. She did the title of ‘Mother’ well.
I dont believe you have to give birth to be a mother. But there are certain qualifications you will have to meet. Starting with unconditional love and loyalty. Tenderness, kindness, patience, compassion and perseverance. You must be determined and hard working, oh….. and on call 24/7. You will wear many hats. Doctor, nurse, chauffeur, cook, therapist, carpenter, teacher, secretary, and housekeeper. You must be willing to sacrifice your own desires for the desires and needs of others. Unselfishness is a required trait along with giving your own life if necessary. Wisdom and knowledge in all areas would be helpful and beneficial when you are giving guidance and counsel. You may be required to give protection and console those who are suffering. You will need to be able to see the good in others and help them meet their full potential. It’s possible that this calling may be so demanding that you will not have much time for yourself….. for sleep, for hobbies or relaxation. But your reward will be seeing others happy and successful!
Of course, even Mothers feel like they are falling short sometimes. I have been there many times. In my eyes you have not failed until you stop trying. God needs mothers who do their best, who keep loving, who keep caring!
The Calling of Mother is truly one of God’s Masterpieces!
I love and miss you Mom, thanks for all you did for me!!!
The New Year brings thoughts to many of resolutions and goals but Balance plays a big part in wether or not you will succeed in accomplishing those things you want to do or achieve.
First of all… what is Balance? And what does it mean to you? There are many definitions of Balance. Even distribution of weight, remaining upright and steady, and manageability. Although these definitions are different there are similarities in the words…. even, upright, steady, and manageable. Balance can be applied in all areas such as physical, emotional, spiritual and even intellectual.
Balance to me means that I am functioning or living in a steady and acceptable way to myself. It does not mean that I never feel off balance. I was involved in gymnastics in junior high and high school. I did work briefly on the balance beam. If my feet were not positioned correctly I quickly became off balance. Life’s challenges can do the same. Rarely does anyone achieve perfect balance all of the time.
I am definitely a planner. I plan my days ahead, the goals I want to achieve and the characteristics I want to develop. I like things to go a certain way and when they don’t I often feel off balance. Nothing can make you feel defeated more quickly than setting the bar too high, making comparisons and not being flexible. Disruptions are going to come most likely on a daily basis. Its how we handle them that keeps our lives in balance.
I have struggled alot with emotional balance which really has affected all of the other areas of my life. Trying to avoid those emotions seems to only make things worse. In my opinion it is good to feel your emotions and work through them, hopefully in a manageable way. It is when they become overpowering and controlling that you will fall off that balance beam! But if you do, seek help and get back up! Try again, and again and again, if necessary!
I don’t claim to be an expert in raising teens by any means, but I have learned a thing or two from raising five energetic, anxious, sensitive, independent, competitive, smart, beautiful daughters!
Face reality! Babies do not come with an instruction book! Most of the things I have learned, unfortunately came from ‘trial and error.’ I quickly learned that each of my daughters were uniquely different, and responded and grasped learning in their own personal way.
At times I felt very unqualified to help mold and shape these beautiful spirits from heaven into confident, strong and successful mortal adults. I think partly because I didn’t consider myself as one. My husband was an excellent provider, spouse and father but traveled a big majority of those years that our daughters were growing up, so much of the responsibilities of raising them fell to me.
I want to share with you the four C’s of raising Teens that I believe can be beneficial to any parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, church leader, neighbor or friend. After all, I believe it takes a whole community to help the youth in this world grow and develop into strong, courageous and responsible adults!
Compassion
As humans we all need compassion and love. Teens have enough uncertainty going on in their minds without wondering if they are loved and truly cared about. Compassion means sometimes just listening and trying to understand what your teen is going through. I was raised in a family where the words ‘I Love You’ weren’t spoken. I really didn’t think about compassion and understanding until I had children of my own. I must have felt the lack of it growing up because I was determined that I would be there for my kids and be sure they knew of my love for them.
Communication
I can’t express enough the importance of open communication between you and your teen. My father died when I was eight and I had none of this growing up with my mom. Her generation was much more private when it came to conversations and discussing more serious topics such as dating, morality, chastity, sexuality and marriage. I remember trying to talk to my mom only one time about something very personal and her response was, “we dont talk about things like that.” I dont blame my mom for her response because it was just the way things were back then. But…..it did close that door of communication. I developed an unhealthy perception of morality and sexuality. Teens need truthful answers to their questions but choose your words carefully. Show interest in what they are expressing to you without judgement. Guide them and make suggestions without giving them the solution to their problems.
Consequences
Consequences can be both positive and negative. Good choices bring the consequence of success and happiness. While mistakes and bad choices bring the consequences of despair, sadness and even punishment. No child, teen or adult is exempt from this fact. Consequences are what help teens to make better choices in the future. All consequences follow some type of action. Family rules are just as important as laws. Involving your teens when making those rules and deciding what the consequences will be can be beneficial. Involving them puts the ball in their court. I didn’t really have any rules growing up or curfews. I didn’t even have chores. Our house was spotless but my mom did it all besides working outside the home. I dated at fourteen and married at seventeen. I experienced many hardships with lasting negative effects that have taken a lifetime to overcome. I believe that rules and consequences give teens a sense of safety and protection. It also helps them to know they are genuinely cared about. Teens want boundaries even if they say they don’t.
Consistency
The lack of consistency with your rules and consequences tell children and teens that you’re not serious. As hard as it is sometimes to follow through it is probably one of the most important messages you can give your teen. Sometimes it is referred to as tough love. This is such a valuable lesson for youth to learn when heading into the adult world. As you are consistent your teens will gain respect for you and know that you stand behind the words you speak with nothing wavering. Consistency will bring them a feeling of security. (Even if they won’t admit it.)
The world out there can be cruel, crazy and uncertain and it seems to be getting more so all the time. I know that the youth living today are strong. They have to be! I believe that God loves each one of them with a perfect love. He will guide you as you teach them if you ask for help in faith!
There is Life After Teens!
Comments welcome and appreciated here or on facebook.
An artists drawing of my Husband and my three children who have passed to the otherside.
Grief generally is the result of losing something valuable that brings an emotional reaction of deep sadness. Some examples are, loss of a job, a relationship, a pet, a loved one, a wayward child, personal belongings or maybe a home. Grief can even surface with change in ones character or self image. Grief comes with abuse and manipulation.
I like to refer to Grief as an Art. Like any other Art it is very personal and unique in style and expression. Your depth of love for what you have lost cannot be measured. You can google ‘GRIEF’ and find steps that you will more than likely experience to some degree. But it is certainly not a guaruntee for a 100% recovery. There is no set amount of time it will take you to go through the grieving process. Nor is there a set time when you should be feeling better or happy again.
Turning to someone you trust to express your feelings can be beneficial but your feelings are ‘your feelings‘. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are grieving too much or not enough or its time to ‘get over it’ and move on. You will hear things that do not bring comfort or help you, but try to be compassionate to those who may speak to you. Most of the time they are at a loss of knowing what to say.
Grief can interfere with your life and those duties and responsibilities that are expected of you. You may have to talk to your boss or family and friends asking them to give you the time you need. If you are struggling with sleep and eating you may even need to talk to your doctor or go to counseling. In my own experience I have found that feeling the sadness and allowing it to exist in myself has been more beneficial than trying to suppress it. You are not weak because you grieve. For some it may never pass completley, but it will soften in time and you will eventually except your ‘new normal’.
Being a widow and alone the majority of the time during this Pandemic has been extremely difficult for me. The antidote that has helped me the very most is thinking outside of myself even if all I can do at the moment is to text someone and say “Hi, how are you?” And somedays I open my list of contacts and do just that. Serving and thinking of others has become the bandaid on the sore for me.
I testify that as you reach out to others and the Savior for their compassion and a listening ear you will begin to heal. I testify that your Father in Heaven wants to help you and He will always be there to listen and give you the strength you need. Jesus Christ has felt your suffering and knows how to succor you if you will only ask. Of course there will always be hard days, but if you lean on the Savior and His teachings and try to serve others, you will get through them. I know and believe with all my heart that many of the valuable things you and I have lost will someday be restored and we will experience a greater joy than we have ever known!
Never Give Up, There is Always Hope for a Better Tomorrow!
During this time of the year I often think of traditions old and new that have become part of my legacy. Some being ‘Timeless’ as no one really knew who started them but we know they have been passed on for many generations. Others being somewhat strange or silly like rolling hard boiled eggs on Easter from the top of a big hill to the bottom, telling little children that Santa’s birds are watching them and reporting back to the North Pole or eating bacon wrapped chicken livers before Thanksgiving dinner.
The ones that have stuck with me the most are those that portray the deep love of someone for another person or their family. A tradition generally contains worth or value in as much that someone desires to continue it and carry it on with there own family and maybe even with their grand children in hopes that it will continue to be passed on with future generations. One that I loved was writing letters to other family members and putting them in our Christmas stockings to be read Christmas morning. I have kept those letters and reread them from time to time. One of my daughter’s has chosen to continue that tradition and includes me in it.
My mom grew up during the Great Depression. She always desired to have a doll for Christmas but never received one as a child. People were just too poor for such an extravagant gift. I guess this had a big impact on my mom, because every year from the time I was little I received a doll for Christmas. I grew up loving them. And I couldn’t wait to have babies of my own. All I really ever wanted to be, was a mother. I think their was valuable lessons passed on to me in that tradition of receiving a doll each year. It taught me to be grateful for what I do have. And even though I still love dolls and have passed that tradition on, there is so much more hidden in the compassion and love my mother showed to me. She has always been a person of few words but even today as she lives at 100 years old, I feel her love for me. Through reflecting on her life and challenges I am still learning and growing and I am certain I will continue to do so long after she has passed to the other side.
Traditions can tell part of a story. Your story. If you haven’t adopted any traditions from the past you can start your own. Anyone can start a new tradition that may become unchanged by time and transcend to future generations. You may never know the impact that a tradition you start today may have on those yet to be born.
As I think back to the Birth of each of my eight children, I still have a sense of awe as I think of their tiny little bodies so delicate and new, sent from Heaven for a mortal experience. Some would only stay a few days but no matter how long or short the life would be, it was still part of God’s plan….. with an intentional purpose!
The celebration of Christmas mark’s the single most historical event ever known to mankind!!! The birth of our Lord and Savior in a lowly stable. There was no room in the Inn for a King to be born, no cradle for Him to lay in. Just hay to keep Him warm, yet part of God’s plan. The most important part! With an intentional purpose!!! This tiny baby was chosen to redeem all mankind from sin and suffering through A great and Infinite Atonement. Jesus Christ was born to die for each one of us and overcome death so that we might live eternally!
What does the Christ child’s birth, life and mission mean to you? Let me share with you what it means to me.
CHRIST’S birth means that:
I can repent and be forgiven when I make mistakes and commit sin because HE paid the price in Gethsemeneby suffering and bleeding from every pore.
I will be resurrected after I die to an immortal state having a perfect body free from sickness and death because HE broke the band’s of death after HE was crucified in Calvary and rose the third day.
I can find peace and joy today as I study HIS teachings in the Holy scriptures. HIS mission and life teach me those principles I need to learn so that I can be truly happy.
I can live with my Family and friends for not only time but also for Eternity as I follow HIS example and strive to live a righteous life.
I can draw upon the strength that lies in understanding HIS enabling and healing power of the Atonement. This understanding will help me survive the hardships and trials I face each day.
The birth of a Babe born in Bethlehem means Everything to me!!! May we all reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas and receive the most precious gift our Father in Heaven has given all of His children in giving each of us His Son!
I guess you could say that I’m a deep thinker. One thing that crosses my mind alot is what will be my legacy? When I am no longer here in this mortal existence and my name is mentioned, what will come into the minds of those who hear it? Will it be an inheritance I have left them, an antique passed down for several generations or will it be my character, my influence, or my values. Perhaps they will remember how I handled difficult trials. Maybe they will remember my love for music and share a piece I composed with their great grand child. I hope… that part of my legacy will be my deep love and appreciation for my Savior Jesus Christ. I hope they will not remember my failures, my harsh words, or my many mistakes.
There are numerous types of Legacies. Not all Legacies are about money or property. I like to think of the word ‘Legacy‘ as your imprint on the world, your community or your family. It is about your reputation, your beliefs and what you stand for.
Your legacy can and will influence others, negatively or positively. It will be passed on for generations to come after you are gone. Hopefully you will not be forgotten. It is what you are doing or not doing now that will become part of your personal Legacy. You can choose how you want that Legacy to look. Writing down your experiences good and bad is an excellent way to leave apart of yourself with those who will come into this world after you are gone. Something you share may have great value to someone born a hundred years from now.
I failed to ask questions about my ancestors when I was younger, and now that I am interested in knowing more I am finding it to be difficult to find the information I am looking for. I want to know the history of my grandparents and great grandparents. I want to know of their values and beliefs, their hardships and trials. I know that I can find strength in that knowledge. I may even find someone I look like or have things in common with.
I want my Legacy to consist of something valuable but not in a monetary sense. I feel that my main focus at this point in my life is to overcome the natural man in me and free myself of all those things that tend to damage and corrupt my self image as a Child of God. I want to be the kind of example that will give others a greater desire to follow Christ. That would be the greatest and most valuable Legacy I could leave my family, my friends and my community.
I wonder sometimes what the world will be like when my great grand children are raising families of their own. I know that they will need great strength. The Legacies we are creating today can be of great worth tomorrow!
If you haven’t already….. start creating your Legacy Today! Nothing is as valuable as leaving others a part of yourself!!!
The present Pandemic has certainly disrupted our lives. The ‘normal’ we once knew is no more. Each day is filled with uncertainty. Education is disrupted. Teachers, medical staffs and police officers are exhausted. Political decisions are debatable by many. Emotions are running high. Anger is raging. Where do you stand in everything going on? Do you have doubts or fear? Or do you have the courage to hold on to your beliefs and exercise faith? Faith that we will survive these present circumstances. Being doubtful is a gloomy and dark place to be which can lead to fear. Fear can be destructive to not only ourselves but those around us. Being doubtful can be a struggle for many. One can doubt his self and his own ability to succeed. We can doubt our beliefs in God or a higher power. We can lose faith in our children. We can have doubt in our government and even in our religious leaders, and the list goes on.
Doubt usually begins with questioning. While questioning is good and how we learn and make decisions, it can also be damaging. It can sometimes turn into confusion and indecisiveness. The First step in preventing that from happening is to practice self awareness. Know who you are and what matters most to you. Second: Be willing to make changes if you are not on the path you want to be on. And Third: Hold on to what you believe in and never doubt it. Listen to your heart. I believe we have all been given the light of Christ to guide us in our choice’s. And if we learn to listen we can be guided in all aspects of our lives. We don’t have to feel indecisive, doubtful or fearful. We can have courage and faith in hard times. Of course there are times when we lose that strength. I have been there many times. I know Satan exists and uses those vulnerable times to tear me down. I have felt my faith turn into fear. I have had doubts when I don’t always understand everything.
I have found it to be very important to stay away from whom ever or whatever is contrary to what matters most to me. I try to steer clear of anything that might pull me away from the path I have chosen to be on. It is okay and possible to move forward with faith even when we don’t have all the answers. I know that we don’t all believe the same or even have the same priorities. But I know without any doubt that there is a God in Heaven who loves all of His children and wants to help them if they will only ask in faith. In Proverbs 3:5 it reads: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Doubt not, Fear Not!
This photo perfectly depicts my idea of shattered dreams. Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com
I think it is probably safe to assume that we have all had a taste of shattered dreams. As a young girl I developed an image in my mind of a fairy tale life that I expected to be mine. I dreamed of the handsome prince, the mansion, the dozens of obedient and well mannered children, financial stability, perfect health and longevity with my handsome prince by my side. And then I grew up, moved away from home at the age of seventeen and got my first dose of reality!!! I realized then that I wasn’t even close to being grown up, nor was I prepared for adult life.
Some of my shattered dreams included, the death of my father, abuse with all of its mental and emotional damage, divorce, estrangement from someone close to me, difficult pregnancies, a chronic illness, the passing of three children, struggles with raising teenagers, and the passing of my spouse when I was fifty nine. I am sure this sounds familiar to many. Maybe my shattered dreams are not identical to yours but we all have them….. right?
I can’t say that I handled those trials and hardships patiently. In fact to be perfectly honest I would have to say those things broke me. Just like a broken glass becomes useless and needs to be swept up and discarded, I felt useless as well. I spent a lot of time in deep despair. I allowed those shattered dreams to determine who I was and how happy I would be.
Now that I have given you somewhat of a picture of how shattered dreams affected me, I am so excited to share with you the happy, positive and beautiful part of this post. That begins with having faith and hope in a better world. I have come to know for myself through studying the life and mission of Jesus Christ that because of His Atonement and sacrifice that a better world to come is not only something to hope for or believe in, but it is a reality!!! That gift is offered to all!
I no longer look at shattered dreams as ‘Broken’ at all! The picture above perfectly depicts the image in my mind. If we could only see the beauty and color that comes from those tiny shards of glass as they glisten in the sunlight, OR if we could only see the end result of the growth that our trials can bring, we would be able to bare them more patiently.
I am truly grateful for the growth that my ‘shattered dreams’ have brought me. I know that I am now in a much better place in my personal development. This life is a test. It is not meant to be easy. Our Father in Heaven has faith that His children will pass the test of mortality and return to live in His presence. Eternal life will indeed be a better world!
If you can only hope for now, that is enough. Jesus Christ is there to carry you and support you in your trials until the perfect day!!!
As I was going through counseling for depression and help with overcoming the effects of abuse, I expected that the topic of ‘forgiving‘ would eventually come up and my therapist would hand me a paper with the five easy steps to forgiveness. Well… that didn’t happen, and even though I hoped for some quick formula, what I didn’t realize then, but I do now, is that the answer to forgiving was right in front of my face and only consisted of two words…..Jesus Christ. He was the way, the truth and the light. Through Him, I could not only be forgiven for my own sins, but I could also learn how to forgive others. My new found formula to forgiving was learning how to apply the enabling power of the Atonement to me personally and transfer the burden I carried for years unnecessarily, to Him. But how? This sounded a whole lot harder than what I had hoped for.
One might say, why would you want to forgive someone who intentionally abused you? Let me tell you why. Not only is it commanded in the scriptures but also….. for everyday I did not forgive, I allowed my perpetrators to continue to have power over me and abuse me mentally and emotionally.
Forgiving did not mean that I accepted what happened to me as okay. Nor did it mean that I would be friends with, or associate with these persons. It simply meant that I would give the burden I carried, (which consisted of anger and sometimes hatred) to my Savior to do with what He saw fit. This transfer would free myself from the chains Satan had wrapped around me. Chains that were affecting not only me but people that I loved, as I didn’t always treat others as I should have.
As I counseled with my church leaders, I was encouraged to study the life of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. But I couldn’t figure out how to actually forgive and transfer my burden to the Lord, freeing myself from the anger and hurt. And so I just continued to seek counsel, pray, study, and serve others. And then one day, all of the sudden I realized that the Miracle of Forgiveness had quietly happened to me. Others noticed a change in my countenance before I did. Although I still remembered my past, it just didn’t matter anymore. Those perpetrators would not be allowed another day of controlling my thoughts or actions. I guess you could say it was swallowed up. Such an indescribable feeling.
I feel lighter, happier and so grateful for The Healing Power of Forgiveness which comes only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
