Most of us had the experience of learning to walk which generally consisted of scooting, crawling and lots of stumbles and falls. For me…learning to be a confident and strong adult has followed the same pattern of techniques I learned as a toddler.
I never realized just how much I leaned on my husband for strength and support until he was gone. He was my strength, my life…and yes, my crutch. And when that crutch was pulled away… I fell!!! Not only was I facing the normal grieving that comes with losing my spouse, but I also lost that daily validation of his love for me, which was something I desperately needed!
Even though I believe that all mortal beings have worth in the sight of God, for some reason I seemed to think that truth did not apply to me. I really didn’t care at that point to pick myself up off the floor and take that first step into my new life. It truly is a miracle that I am a survivor and able to write this post!
Those first few months alone were excruciating. My life played before me like a movie. Things I hadn’t allowed myself to think about for years surfaced bringing with them all the pain and horror. At first as little uncomfortable thoughts here and there and then as loud claps of thunder that stirred me from my restless sleep. I didn’t know how or where to begin to deal with these memories that flooded my every thought and threw me into a non functional state. Through the help and support of those around me who knew how troubled I was, I began to gain a desire to be free from the burden that I carried.
Ironically I required two foot surgeries during that time and was not allowed to put any weight on my foot for a period of six months. I had no idea that this physical trial would be the key to me learning important lessons that would help me begin to turn to my Savior Jesus Christ for the healing He offered me.
The days were long and hard as I crawled up and down my stairs straining my arm muscles as I pulled myself around. I depended on others for help with normal simple things that I could no longer do for myself. My second surgery was the result of me getting a little too confident and crashing on my scooter.
As I scooted and crawled around I was taught by the Spirit and I realized that without my Savior Jesus Christ I could do nothing for it was through him that I existed, that I could breathe and take part in this mortal life. I knew that He was there for me and that if I would allow Him to, and exercise faith in His power I could receive not only physical healing but also emotional healing if it was His will.
The day finally came for me to stand up and put a little bit of weight on my foot. It was terrifying at first but eventually I could put my full weight and take baby steps in a walking boot. Unfortunately for the next few months it felt like I was walking on a large flat rock. It was actually very uncomfortable. Through faith, physical therapy, and lots of stumbling I am now walking, bearing the weight of my physical body and also the weight of the trials and hardships of this mortal life. But I do not walk alone. My Savior Jesus Christ is there by my side to take every step with me.
Christ is there for each one of His children. He will be there for you if you let Him. No matter what trials come your way, You never have to walk alone!
Life is full of wonderful lessons if we open our eyes and look for them!
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