As varied as the leaves on a tree or the intricate design of each tiny snowflake, LOSS comes in all kinds of shapes and SIZES. Most Loss brings disappointment, sadness or heart wrenching agony!!! But some Loss can actually bring relief, like an uncomfortable confrontation ending or the loss of a child’s first tooth. Or maybe letting go of a grudge you’ve held onto for way too long.
My first remembrance of a negative kind of loss was when I dropped a little leather purse my Dad had made me, out our car window. I cried until he made me another one. And then just a short while later when I was only 8 years old, I lost my Dad to a massive heart attack. This loss felt nothing like losing my purse. Death was frightening to me. I had so many questions. Did my Dad still exist? Would I see him again? The little knowledge I had of life after death wasn’t enough to keep my fears at bay. I didn’t know it then but I would have many more opportunities and experiences as I grew older that would help those questions to be answered.
Next at age eleven I experienced the loss of friends and relatives when my mom remarried and we had to move. When I married at age seventeen and divorced at age nineteen, I faced the loss of what my expectation’s of a good marriage were…. but soon after proved to be a great blessing as I found my Eternal companion. Certainly my life would be smooth sailing now!!!!!
There was nothing that my husband and I wanted more than to have a large family, but we would experience several more losses trying to achieve that goal. Our first baby was born without any complications. Our next two children were born at 28 and 29 weeks with miscarriages in between and two and a half months each in the nicu. As hard as those pregnancies were I wasn’t at all prepared for my next loss when our first son was stillborn followed by a healthy daughter then a second stillborn son. My last pregnancy was twin daughter’s, but three days after their birth one of my twins died from a Strep B infection. I can’t begin to express the pure agony I felt!
At this point I was pretty upset with God to say the least and with a shaky foundation of His plan for me I had some pretty serious doubts about the truthfulness of it all. This threw me into a frenzy of searching desperately for answers to some of life’s most troubling questions for many, such as… Is there really life after death? Answers did come for me, slowly…..little by little, but it took much study, fasting and prayer on my part. And with those answers my anger, envy and sadness decreased as my faith increased.
Although I am shaken, I am not broken. Although I am lonely, I am not alone. Although I have lost for a time, I have gained Forever! I testify that God exists and he knows what you and I need to become the best version of ourselves!
I learned so much from Trent, Bryan and Karen, my little Angel Babies! Six years ago this month I experienced my most difficult loss of all when my husband of forty years passed away.
I BELIEVE Loss CAN BRING GROWTH THAT CAN COME IN NO OTHER WAY!
“The Lord giveth and Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
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