How do you handle change?
As a naive young mother I didn’t want anything to change? I prayed for no sickness in our family, no financial difficulties, well behaved children, and no disagreements in my marriage. Well, I received none of those things, in fact it was quite the opposite! Troubles, troubles everywhere! Sickness, difficult pregnancies, death, loss of employment, less than well behaved children, struggles in our marriage and loss of self confidence.
I soon learned that life is full of change. It doesn’t matter who you are, you wont escape change! It might even happen on a daily basis.
This is my formula for finding MY new normal:
- Accept change. It’s life. Change doesn’t always bring hardships. It can also bring new opportunities, growth and new friends.
- Be patient with yourself. Things might feel different, lonely or awkward for a while. It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up.
- Have a good attitude and hope in a better tomorrow. Ask yourself what can I learn from this change in my life?
- If the change is causing you unmanageable grief or stress find someone to talk to.
The first two years after my husband’s passing I waited and waited for things to return to normal. My therapist stopped that waiting when he told me things would never be the same. I wasn’t too happy when I left his office that day. His words took away my hope. But it was something I needed to hear because what I was waiting for was totally unrealistic. As much as I wanted it, my husband was not going to walk through the door. So for the next year or so I tried to accept that I was just going to be lonely and depressed for the rest of my life. As I continued with therapy I realized that I was the only one who could change things for the better. My life as I once knew it for 40 years with my husband by my side was gone, but if I really wanted to be happy I would have to find a new normal.
These past few years have been quite the adventure for me. First I evaluated my life and where I was, compared to where I wanted to be. ( I had much work to do). Next I tried to spend a little time each day doing something enjoyable or relaxing. And last……. I worked hard at serving others. This past year has taught me that I can be happy again. I’m not going to allow change to make me miserable. I have a new normal now until the next change comes my way. I have learned that I have friends and family I can turn to and I am much stronger than I thought.
Don’t let change determine how you react. Embrace it and keep going forward. Change is a normal part of life. You can learn from it if you allow it to teach you.
Perhaps the definition of normal should be- ‘Accepting change’.
by Tanya Christiansen
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