Category: Personal Growth Page 18 of 21

The present Pandemic has certainly disrupted our lives. The ‘normal’ we once knew is no more. Each day is filled with uncertainty. Education is disrupted. Teachers, medical staffs and police officers are exhausted. Political decisions are debatable by many. Emotions are running high. Anger is raging. Where do you stand in everything going on? Do you have doubts or fear? Or do you have the courage to hold on to your beliefs and exercise faith? Faith that we will survive these present circumstances. Being doubtful is a gloomy and dark place to be which can lead to fear. Fear can be destructive to not only ourselves but those around us. Being doubtful can be a struggle for many. One can doubt his self and his own ability to succeed. We can doubt our beliefs in God or a higher power. We can lose faith in our children. We can have doubt in our government and even in our religious leaders, and the list goes on.

Doubt usually begins with questioning. While questioning is good and how we learn and make decisions, it can also be damaging. It can sometimes turn into confusion and indecisiveness. The First step in preventing that from happening is to practice self awareness. Know who you are and what matters most to you. Second: Be willing to make changes if you are not on the path you want to be on. And Third: Hold on to what you believe in and never doubt it. Listen to your heart. I believe we have all been given the light of Christ to guide us in our choice’s. And if we learn to listen we can be guided in all aspects of our lives. We don’t have to feel indecisive, doubtful or fearful. We can have courage and faith in hard times. Of course there are times when we lose that strength. I have been there many times. I know Satan exists and uses those vulnerable times to tear me down. I have felt my faith turn into fear. I have had doubts when I don’t always understand everything.

I have found it to be very important to stay away from whom ever or whatever is contrary to what matters most to me. I try to steer clear of anything that might pull me away from the path I have chosen to be on. It is okay and possible to move forward with faith even when we don’t have all the answers. I know that we don’t all believe the same or even have the same priorities. But I know without any doubt that there is a God in Heaven who loves all of His children and wants to help them if they will only ask in faith. In Proverbs 3:5 it reads: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Doubt not, Fear Not!

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I think it is probably safe to assume that we have all had a taste of shattered dreams. As a young girl I developed an image in my mind of a fairy tale life that I expected to be mine. I dreamed of the handsome prince, the mansion, the dozens of obedient and well mannered children, financial stability, perfect health and longevity with my handsome prince by my side. And then I grew up, moved away from home at the age of seventeen and got my first dose of reality!!! I realized then that I wasn’t even close to being grown up, nor was I prepared for adult life.

Some of my shattered dreams included, the death of my father, abuse with all of its mental and emotional damage, divorce, estrangement from someone close to me, difficult pregnancies, a chronic illness, the passing of three children, struggles with raising teenagers, and the passing of my spouse when I was fifty nine. I am sure this sounds familiar to many. Maybe my shattered dreams are not identical to yours but we all have them….. right?

I can’t say that I handled those trials and hardships patiently. In fact to be perfectly honest I would have to say those things broke me. Just like a broken glass becomes useless and needs to be swept up and discarded, I felt useless as well. I spent a lot of time in deep despair. I allowed those shattered dreams to determine who I was and how happy I would be.

Now that I have given you somewhat of a picture of how shattered dreams affected me, I am so excited to share with you the happy, positive and beautiful part of this post. That begins with having faith and hope in a better world. I have come to know for myself through studying the life and mission of Jesus Christ that because of His Atonement and sacrifice that a better world to come is not only something to hope for or believe in, but it is a reality!!! That gift is offered to all!

I no longer look at shattered dreams as ‘Broken’ at all! The picture above perfectly depicts the image in my mind. If we could only see the beauty and color that comes from those tiny shards of glass as they glisten in the sunlight, OR if we could only see the end result of the growth that our trials can bring, we would be able to bare them more patiently.

I am truly grateful for the growth that my ‘shattered dreams’ have brought me. I know that I am now in a much better place in my personal development. This life is a test. It is not meant to be easy. Our Father in Heaven has faith that His children will pass the test of mortality and return to live in His presence. Eternal life will indeed be a better world!

If you can only hope for now, that is enough. Jesus Christ is there to carry you and support you in your trials until the perfect day!!!

YOU CAN MAKE IT! DON’T GIVE UP!

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As I was going through counseling for depression and help with overcoming the effects of abuse, I expected that the topic of ‘forgiving‘ would eventually come up and my therapist would hand me a paper with the five easy steps to forgiveness. Well… that didn’t happen, and even though I hoped for some quick formula, what I didn’t realize then, but I do now, is that the answer to forgiving was right in front of my face and only consisted of two words…..Jesus Christ. He was the way, the truth and the light. Through Him, I could not only be forgiven for my own sins, but I could also learn how to forgive others. My new found formula to forgiving was learning how to apply the enabling power of the Atonement to me personally and transfer the burden I carried for years unnecessarily, to Him. But how? This sounded a whole lot harder than what I had hoped for.

One might say, why would you want to forgive someone who intentionally abused you? Let me tell you why. Not only is it commanded in the scriptures but also….. for everyday I did not forgive, I allowed my perpetrators to continue to have power over me and abuse me mentally and emotionally.

Forgiving did not mean that I accepted what happened to me as okay. Nor did it mean that I would be friends with, or associate with these persons. It simply meant that I would give the burden I carried, (which consisted of anger and sometimes hatred) to my Savior to do with what He saw fit. This transfer would free myself from the chains Satan had wrapped around me. Chains that were affecting not only me but people that I loved, as I didn’t always treat others as I should have.

As I counseled with my church leaders, I was encouraged to study the life of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. But I couldn’t figure out how to actually forgive and transfer my burden to the Lord, freeing myself from the anger and hurt. And so I just continued to seek counsel, pray, study, and serve others. And then one day, all of the sudden I realized that the Miracle of Forgiveness had quietly happened to me. Others noticed a change in my countenance before I did. Although I still remembered my past, it just didn’t matter anymore. Those perpetrators would not be allowed another day of controlling my thoughts or actions. I guess you could say it was swallowed up. Such an indescribable feeling.

I feel lighter, happier and so grateful for The Healing Power of Forgiveness which comes only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ has already paid for your suffering!

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As I have often pondered those things happening in our world today, I have also pondered what it means to be a true disciple of Jesus Christ. During Christ’s ministry men were appointed as His disciples. They followed Him and were taught by Him. But when Christ descended into heaven the word ‘disciple’ took on a new and deeper meaning. Christ’s disciples not only followed his teachings but they became doers of the word, putting into action those things he commanded of them. Being a disciple of Jesus Christ involves a transformation from the state of the mortal man to one who loves the Lord and serves Him with all their might, mind and strength. Being a true disciple requires sacrifice and laying aside ones personal desires. All are invited to become disciples of the Savior.

Russel M. Nelson taught, “The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian. Your religion is not just about showing up for church on Sunday. It is about showing up as a true disciple from Sunday morning through Saturday night…. there is no such thing as a part-time disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

As it is with developing any Christlike attribute, our mortal weaknesses can make becoming a true disciple sometimes difficult. It will require sacrifice and self discipline. The Lord will always recognize ours efforts to change and improve even when we sometimes fall short.

Believe

Believe in Jesus Christ. Believe that He knows you personally. Believe that His teachings and commandments are for the benefit and well being of all mankind. Believe that He suffered and died for you.

Love

Strive to develope the pure love of Christ. Love those who persecute you. Pure Love overlooks ones faults, weaknesses and even Sin. One of the attributes of being a true disciple is to love others as Christ loves you, with unconditional love. There is no greater need in our world today than Love.

Do

Jesus Christ went about doing. Follow the example of Christ by putting His teachings into action. Look for opportunities to serve others. As you pray to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands He will impress upon your mind those who are in need.

In 2nd Peter we learn that our faith can be measured by what it leads us to do. It takes practice to become good at anything. It is the same with becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ. Resist the temptation of finding fault with others.

I know that as we strive to become true disciples of Jesus Christ and show love and compassion to all those we come in contact with that this world will be a better place and we will receive great blessings in the world to come.

Be a Disciple of Jesus Christ by Believing, Loving and Doing. This World Needs You!

‘As I have loved you, love one another, this new commandment Love one another. By this shall men know, ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.‘

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I can’t honestly say I have always been grateful. At least not in the sense of being thankful for ‘things.’ I’ve done my share of feeling sorry for myself while I perceived those around me to have all the luck or blessings that I felt cheated out of. I wanted to grow up with a father, raise all the kids I gave birth to, and grow old with my husband. Well…. I didn’t get to do any of that. When your down in that deep dark hole of feeling sorry for yourself it’s easy to forget those things you have to be grateful for. Like life, the air you breathe, freedom of choice, and maybe just the dawning of a new day.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner we often think of those many things we have to be grateful for. But what I want to write about is something deeper, and that is an Attitude of Gratitude. Having an attitude of gratitude allows you and I to be grateful in any circumstance. Once we have developed or gained that kind of attitude it’s much easier to put off that natural man inside of us that seems to want things! It also turns what we have into enough!

So how does one gain an attitude of gratitude? I really had to think hard about this question. I know that I am more grateful now than I have ever been. But how did I get here? I think for me there are three main things that have played into gaining a truly grateful heart. And those are: The example of others (including Christ), experiencing opposition, and gaining a hope or knowledge of God’s plan for me.

The Example of Others: Throughout my life I have witnessed others in extreme tragic situations thanking God for their many blessings, including being grateful for the growth that their hardships would bring. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the perfect example of someone who went through His entire life not wanting for himself but instead giving to others. These things have left me in awe and wanting only to develop those Christlike attributes in myself.

Experiencing Opposition: As the scriptures teach there needs to be opposition in all things. Our Father in Heaven knew that we would learn and grow by experiencing opposition. Without sadness we cannot know joy, without evil we cannot know goodness, and without loss we cannot know gratitude. My own personal hardships and trials have taught me and helped me to gain a much deeper appreciation for those meaningful blessings I do have like family, friends, shelter, freedom and my knowlege of Eternal Life.

The Hope or Knowledge of God’s plan for Me! As I study the scriptures, fast and pray to become more Christlike with deeper compassion for others, I have felt changes taking place inside myself. I feel a much deeper appreciation for my blessings. My attitude has changed towards those who have hurt me. It is easier to forgive. I have faith in better days to come and I can be grateful even in my current circumstances, even living alone during this worldwide pandemic. God’s plan for all His children is one of growth, and eventually a joy beyond description!

Can we really be grateful in any circumstance? The answer is Yes!

It is my hope and prayer that we can all develop an Attitude of Gratitude and a deeper appreciation for meaningful blessings we do have and a desire to help those who are less fortunate. Happy Thanksgiving!

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You probably know by now that I like making comparisons when I write. There are so many lessons in life just waiting to be discovered if we would only pay attention to what’s right before our eyes! We are all a work in progress being molded and refined! Although much of that process can be painful it is all about the end result.

Take a Potter for example… he must first prepare the clay by a process called wedging, which is mixing and removing air bubbles. This can be a lengthy process. Next he can form the clay by using a wheel or slab. Then the clay must be dried until it reaches the leatherhard stage. This stage is the Potters last chance to change the shape, trim, and add decorative details. After more drying the piece is ready to be fired in the kiln. The temperature of the kiln must be gradually increased. Firing too fast can cause the piece to explode. Once the first firing is done the piece can be glazed and fired again bringing it luster and shine!

Our Father in Heaven is like the Potter. He desires for all His children to have those experiences that will mold them and shape them into one of His most beautiful creations. He desires for all mankind to shine with the beauty of righteousness. He knows that this refining process that mortality brings to all of us will eventually bring us the greatest Eternal joy possible. He wants that for each of us because He loves us deeply.

I know personally, the pain of being refined as I am certain you do too. But…. it really helps me to endure when I understand my Father’s plan for me and put my trust in that plan. I know that I am slowly becoming that person He wants me to become. Prayer and faith in Our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ can give us the strength to allow our challenges and trials to refine and mold us into a great and beautiful masterpiece, at the hand of the Master!

In Zechariah 13:8-9 we read:

“And it shall come to pass, that in all the land, saith the Lord, two parts therein shall be cut off and die; but the third shall be left therein. And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God.”

You are a Glorious work in progress!

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I guess you could say that, (in a sense) playing the piano is one of my livelihoods. It is almost as important to me as breathing! I can’t imagine my life without it! It brings me joy, peace and solace. It takes me to a place where I can escape the sorrows and hardships of life. A place where I can be alone with my thoughts. But then… there is that darn C Flat! I bet I have played over a hundred pieces containing C Flat! Playing C Flat for me is like trying to walk with a puncture weed or a pebble in your shoe. Very uncomfortable right? No matter how much practice I put in, playing that C Flat still remains annoyingly uncomfortable to me.

As I have pondered this over the years I like to compare this experience to sin or mistakes we make that we choose to ignore or try to rationalize away. Have you ever been there? I have. No matter what you do you can’t quite seem to put it out of your mind. At least not permanently. It continues to bug you just like that puncture weed or that C flat! But that’s a good thing… right? Having a conscience or the Holy Spirit prompting you to take care of it once and for all. What a blessing!!!

I personally made alot of bad choices in my youth years that brought me alot of pain and suffering. But I am here to tell you that acknowledging your sin or mistakes, repenting and forsaking them can bring you undescribable peace and joy! This is only possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, who suffered for every mistake or sin committed by every child of God.

If you have a ‘C Flat’ that is bothering you, seek help and guidance from a trusted friend. Counsel with your Heavenly Father in prayer so that you can be free of that burden in your life.

Unfortunately for me if I continue to play the piano, (which I plan on) I will have to tolerate those annoying C flats, but I do not have to carry the burdens of Sin! What a wonderful blessing!!!

“Repentance is the key to avoiding misery inflicted by traps of the adversary.”

Yesterday is gone! No matter how hard you try you can never have that day back, to relive or change. It has now become part of your past. Maybe yesterday was a day of a wonderful and happy event or perhaps the worst day of your life. The only benefit of the past (in my opinion) is to recall good memories, lessons learned and moments of divine inspiration and guidance. It can also be beneficial to look briefly at the past to evaluate where you were and where you are today. Recalling those things can be of great worth, but….dwelling on past mistakes, bad choices and things we have no power to change can pull us down to the depths of despair. I testify that Satan is as real as our Father in Heaven and he will use the negative things of our past to destroy us! The exciting news is….. we all have Today!!! Every twenty four hours we have a glorious new day, another chance to make a difference, to break a habit, to try again.

I unfortunately spent the majority of my life dwelling on the past. Famous words in my vocabulary were, “if only”, “I wish” and “why me.” My new focus is Living in the Present, making the most of each day, striving to be a little kinder, a little more patient and a little wiser in my choices. Living in the present has been something that I have had to practice. Like any other skill I have tried to learn, it has taken a conscious effort on my part. It hasn’t always been easy to keep my mind from wandering to the past or worrying about the future. I have found that living in the present has greatly reduced my stress. Of course I have long term goals that I hope to achieve someday, but my main focus is on my attitude and actions Today!

I recently read an article called, “Go Forth With Faith” which contained the following quote.

“You will experience greater progress in life when you wholly commit to your decisions and strive to excel in your current circumstances even while you have an eye open to the future. This is the day of our opportunity and we must grasp it.”

Pay attention to your thoughts, for your thoughts become your actions and remember if today is less than ideal, there is always tomorrow.

Comments welcome here or at ctr75@comcast.net

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A year ago I wouldn’t have been able to talk about this subject openly to the public. But I can now! The possible benefits to others outweigh admitting openly that I have struggled with social phobia my whole life. I am certain that I am not alone in this struggle. I hope and pray that I will be able to help someone as I share some of those things that have helped me with this challenge.

I was labeled ‘SHY’ from a very young age on. I grew up hating that word! And I guess I still do. (Something I need to work on.) Anyway, SHY meant WEAK to me. My mother and brother struggled with social phobia as well. I guess that could have had an impact on me. I didn’t make friends easily. However, I did have one good friend through junior high and high school whom I felt I could be myself around. Being with her allowed me to breathe for a while.

Let me tell you from my own experiences that those people out there who want to take advantage of someone, (for whatever reason) prey on those who appear weak and vulnerable. So if you are shy try to at least appear confident and strong for your own protection.

Do you judge a book by its cover??? Well, in my opinion that is not a very good idea. A plain an uninviting cover might not reveal the depth of enjoyment or lessons taught that the pages contain. Or a book with a beautiful and intriguing cover might contain words that harm and even addict a reader’s mind.

Unfortunately I was teased, laughed at and abused enough that I built a protective wall around myself. I trusted only a few. It’s a lonely place to be. But it was how I coped. You would think as I became an adult and left those people and places behind I would have felt freed from the grasp of being shy and vulnerable….. But….that wasn’t the case. I was still that weak and shy person I had become and now I was surrounded by all these neighbors whom I visualized as people who had it all together, which only made me feel more inferior. And actually that wasn’t the truth at all.

I developed several coping mechanisms that helped me get through each day that might even sound ridiculous to some but to me I couldn’t have made it without them at the time. One was to look out my window to check for people before getting the mail or before making a mad dash to my car. Another was always parking close to an entrance for a quick get away. I didn’t like making eye contact or speaking in front of people. I always sat in fear of being called on at church. I avoided people at the grocery store and didn’t attend very many social things and when I did I was extremely uncomfortable.

I wish I could say that everyone was kind, but like the cover of that book, I was judged by my appearance. Some comments were made to my face and others came back to me through the grape vine. People judged without knowing what was going on inside of me. Please be kind to others, you don’t know what they are going through.

Now why did I decide I needed to change? Well because I knew deep inside that I was a child of God and that I possessed strength and attributes waiting to be developed. I didn’t do this for people or to have friends even though I do enjoy the friendships I have made. I did this for me and my family. I did this for my Father in Heaven. I want to be an instrument in His hands to help others who are struggling. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be confident and strong. I want to be safe from harm!

In closing I want to share with you some of the things that have helped me to overcome social phobia:

1. Share your deepest thoughts and feelings with your Father in Heaven in prayer. Express your desires to change and overcome your obstacle.

2. Find at least one person who you can trust who will give you encouragement and love you unconditionally.

3. Be willing to take those first few steps in the dark which eventually lead to the light. Start with something small maybe by inviting a couple of people to your home. Practice making eye contact. Say hi to someone at that the store instead of avoiding them.

4. Go to a social activity even if you don’t stay the whole time. While you are there distract your fearful thoughts by using your senses. Count 5 things you can see, and hear. Touch 5 different things. Can you smell anything? What is it?

5. Make a comment or voice your opinion. It doesn’t matter what other people think. Your opinion is your opinion.

6, Seek professional help if necessary.

I can promise you that if you have the desire and pray for help, putting forth effort to overcome Social Phobia that you will succeed and little by little you will feel this obstacle becoming less and less noticeable as time goes on.

I love this little quote:

“No one can make you feel inferior but yourself.”

Thanks to all of you who are reading my posts! Please share with others! Comments welcome here or on facebook. Or write Tanya Christiansen at ctr75@comcast.net

This picture is one of my favorite’s and I love having it in my home! Peter showed amazing Faith as he stepped out onto the water and began walking towards the Savior. But soon his faith turned to fear and he lost his Focus and began to sink. This picture is a constant reminder to me to keep my focus on those things that really matter!

I spent a lot of years focussing more on what people thought of me, my mistakes, my obstacles and struggles. I constantly made comparisons with others always coming up short. Being a victim of abuse does a lot of damage to ones sense of self. It also brings with it feelings of shame and guilt. I could write a book on the thousands of negative thoughts that have gone through my head during the past fifty plus years. Certainly not a good place to have your main focus. But that’s where I lived a lot of the time and I deeply sympathize with anyone who knows what that feels like. I did enjoy being a wife and mother but those negative thoughts and feelings were always in my head. Home was where I felt the best!

The very beginning of changing my Focus was when my church leader asked me to write down ten positive things each day. He told me he didn’t care how many negative things I wrote as long as I wrote ten positive things or ten things I was grateful for. In the beginning it was very difficult for me. It helped me to see just how negative my focus really was. It became easier to write the positive things as time went on. I did this for over a year. Another thing my church leader asked me to do was to memorize some scriptures and repeat them to him. I enjoyed doing that and it really did help my Focus to change.

We all have difficult experiences and challenges in our lives. They will come to everyone. The adversary will do everything in his power to throw us off course….losing our Focus on things of importance! I know that as my main Focus is on Christ and striving to live as He did, that the adversary has no power to pull me down. I can’t say that I am 100% where I want to be but I am getting there little by little. My Focus has changed drastically these past few years. I know that I have worth as a daughter of God. I feel more joy than I have ever felt before! My Fear has turned to Faith! I still have challenges, but I know that I can handle them if I keep my Focus on My Savior. He will give me the strength I need.

I hope and pray that something I have shared will help someone out there somewhere. You might also want to read my post ‘Cleaning Out The Closet.’ Comments welcome on Fb or at ctr75@comcast.net.

Focus On The Good Things In Life. We Are Truly Blessed To Be A Part Of Our Heavenly Father’s Plan!