These past two years have brought very distinct and dramatic positive changes into not only my life but also my self as a person. My convictions and beliefs are stronger, being aware of others and their feelings matter more, forgiving is easier, and how I think of myself and take care of myself has changed for the better. My agenda for each day is more planned out with a purpose for the things I do. As I compare my life six years ago to my life now, it is easy to see that I am in a completely different place in almost every aspect. But don’t get me wrong I still have much need for improvement! 

As I continue to learn and grow I can’t help asking myself how did I get here? As I look back I remember that dark and dreary day six and a half years ago when my whole world as I knew it, crumbled. Feelings of failure and life’s unfairness crept in. Unpleasant memories and regrets surfaced.  I doubted those things I thought I believed in and in a very real way I lost my desire to survive. As I have pondered why my husband’s passing was so difficult for me I have thought about the structure of my life. I have also  wondered if I was simply going through the motion’s of each busy day without having a strong conviction, base or foundation to build on.

I realize now that the support or  foundation I had built my decisions, and actions on was obviously a shaky one. I believed in Christ and My Heavenly Father’s  plan and I strived to keep the commandments contained in the scriptures but I don’t think that I really knew Christ well enough or trusted Him enough to let Him be that main support for me. Therefore when difficult trials  came my way I crumbled.

I can testify that no matter who you are, or what you believe in, that Jesus Christ is a solid foundation we can build on. If we learn of Him and His role as Savior and Redeemer of all mankind and gain a strong conviction to follow him… allowing him to be the base and foundation of all the decisions we make in life, He will  bear us up when uncertainty and hardships come.  I know He lives. I know of His character and attributes. He loves each one of us. He died for us and resurrected on the third day. He was completely selfless. He is knocking at the door and wants us to let Him in. 

I know that as I put my trust in Jesus Christ and have faith in His desire and ability to support me and carry me when necessary, that I will be able to handle any trial that comes without crumbling. This is my testimony to you. The  Savior of the world will be that structure and support upon which you can build.

Concrete foundations eventually deteriorate, but Jesus Christ will never fail you!

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I love the Seasons that Utah offers with all of its variety. This time of year we begin to see little bits of green sometimes peeking through the last of the little mounds of snow. If nourished, they will grow and bring joy to many. Although January is the common time for goal setting, I find that this time of year is when I begin to feel some renewed motivation stirring within myself. Another chance to make changes in my life, to be better, do more, take better care of myself and pay more attention to the things and people around me. I have come to love being amongst God’s creations and the peace and quiet that resides there. The symbolism of spring, birth and second chances brings a serene calm to my soul.

This is not the way I have always felt. For many years I had blinders on thinking that the gloomy way I pictured my life was reality. It takes some of that spiritual vision with a broader picture in mind to truly see Springtime and new beginnings the way God wants us to. There are many lessons to be learned beginning with recognizing our value and helping it to blossom by only partaking of the good things of life. Things that give us peace and strength even when we are in the middle of a storm. This Worldwide Pandemic has definitely been a storm for all mankind in varied degrees. Nourishing our souls will help us get through any storm that comes our way.

Everyone has a need to be better, to change, to try harder and sometimes that growth can be painful, but it will always be worth it! Just like those tiny blades of green grass coming through the hard ground. Change is more than a possibility, it is a reality accessible to anyone who truly desires it. Spring is almost here with new life and opportunities for growth. The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the hill. Choose to be happy right where you are. Choose Christ to be apart of your life, A big part! Then share what you have learned. We can do hard things! We can change!

Spring forward and make good wholesome changes!!!

I feel not only happy but compelled to share this part of my story. I hope my words will be of value to you or even to parents who may have children who are struggling. I truly wish all children could grow up knowing their worth, their potential and the possibilities life has to offer them. Unfortunately that isnt the case.

I remember from a very young age being teased, bullied and even abused. I became very shy and was labeled an introvert. I remember cruel comments even into my adult years that only made me close within myself even more. Somewhere along the way I developed ‘victim identity’. I dont know when or why that happened, but it did. It became a part of who I thought I was. Always the victim. But it really wasn’t me at all. I came to except that bad things would happen to me through the words and actions of others, and they did. You would think that I was wearing a sign around my neck that said ‘hurt me’.

Having ‘victim identity’ robbed me of self esteem, self worth, good relationships, confidence, trust, integrity, hope and faith. Even though I felted trapped I also felt somewhat comfortable, (if that makes any sense) I guess because thats what felt familiar to me. As I have said before I felt safe in my own home. But when my husband passed it was like a train crash. Being completely derailed was definitely not what I expected. That’s when I came to understand that my survival would require the support of others. It would require opening up and facing those things that had happened to me, seeing them for what they truly were and discarding them. That is when I began the long road of pushing through those stumbling blocks that were keeping me from finding my true self as a daughter of God and believing in my royal heritage that came with strength, and Faith in my ability to succeed.

It was through professional counseling that I began to recognize those false attributes that I had accepted as who I was. Victim Identity was one of the biggest stumbling blocks I had to face. At first I felt so ashamed that I had allowed a false identity to control me. I couldn’t undo the hurtful words, actions and abuse but I could undo the effects those things had on me by changing my thought process and accepting the healing and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

The first step to shedding this false identity was to recognize and understand which stumbling blocks were having a negative effect in my life. One thing I needed was a support team. At first it was very difficult to trust anyone. Praying for strength consistently eventually gave me the courage to take those first few steps in the dark and reach out for help. I had a few trusted friends that I will be forever grateful for who stood by me buoying me up when I could not stand. I learned many helpful skills through counseling such as looking for the positive things in my life, expressing gratitude, being kind to myself, serving others, and forgiving those who had hurt me.

As I took control of my thoughts and actions, quietly and slowly over time I truly felt the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I began to know my true self. I testify that as you truly and consistently put forth effort to change and even discard those negative things in your life that Jesus Christ will give you the strength you need. That is a truth I could never deny!

Don’t let ‘Victim Identity’ rob you or someone you love from finding your true self.

It seems only appropriate with today being Valentine’s day to write about LOVE. Four simple little letters, L-O-V-E….. to express a very powerful word! Of course today is more about the romantic kind of Love but there is so much more to Love than hugs and kisses, a box of candy, or little words of expression on a post a note.

Love means to be deeply committed or connected to someone or something. Love comes in different degrees of depth. Love can be taught by example. Love can bring change in others. Love is patient and kind. Love defines the nature of someone. Love shows deep expression. Love is a listening ear. Love builds up without tearing down. Love requires more than saying “I Love you.” Love is expressed through actions. Love must be nurtured. Being loved is a human need. Love is never lustful.

As a young girl of 16 I was certain I knew what love was. But a marriage at age 17 opened my eyes to all of the things that love was not. What a great learning experience that life brought to me at that point in time. A learning experience that has helped me become who I am today. I now have a much broader understanding of Love and what it is and isn’t.

I have developed a love for good wholesome things such as music, nature, hobbies, friendships and family relationships. I love my fellow man. I am learning to love myself. My love for my late husband continues to grow deeper. I love the freedoms we have in this great land. I love my Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ and those who represent them. Death does not take away Love, for true Love is Eternal!!!

This World Needs Love!

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

I have recently been reading a book called ‘The Gospel at 30,000 Feet’ by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. As a young European boy he was forced to flee his home more than once during a war-torn era and later grew up to be a Chief Pilot and Senior Vice President of a major airline. He also became an Apostle and a counselor in the first presidency for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. His book has been fascinating to me and the lessons taught while he compares our journey called Life to the ability a pilot has to fly a plane. Complete with lift, drag, turbulence and guidance. And finally reaching our ultimate destination.

The Wright brothers knew that there were three main requirements in order to fly an aircraft. The first being someone to control the plane. Pilots are skilled in their knowledge of those controls that will allow a plane to take off, fly and land safely. Second, Wings that would produce lift. This happens when air passes over the wings of an airplane in such a way that the pressure underneath the wing is greater than the pressure above the wing. And third, a powerful engine that would keep the aircraft aloft. Pilots must learn to trust those who build and maintain and care for those engines that will give power to the plane they are flying.

Likewise in life we all have the gift of agency to choose for ourselves and take control of our actions. Hopefully we gain enough skill in Self Control that we can get through life safely ending up where we want to be.

Second, those things that produce Lift in life may vary for each individual. I can testify that as a person who has hit rock bottom that those things that produce lasting lift are things of a spiritual nature such as drawing closer to Christ through study and prayer, following His example and striving to develop His attributes. I believe that Christ is truly the wind beneath our wings.

And last but definitely not least is that power or source that keeps us moving upward, just like those plane engines. That source is the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit that powerfully guides and directs us keeping us on course so we can reach our destination. We have to learn to trust that source to warn us of upcoming dangers in our flight path. Dangers that will cause us to crash and not reach our full potential or enjoy an Eternal destination with our loved one’s who have passed on.

Accepting Christ as the wind beneath our wings is a sure and constant source of clarity and safety.

by Tanya Christiansen

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The New Year brings thoughts to many of resolutions and goals but Balance plays a big part in wether or not you will succeed in accomplishing those things you want to do or achieve.

First of all… what is Balance? And what does it mean to you? There are many definitions of Balance. Even distribution of weight, remaining upright and steady, and manageability. Although these definitions are different there are similarities in the words…. even, upright, steady, and manageable. Balance can be applied in all areas such as physical, emotional, spiritual and even intellectual.

Balance to me means that I am functioning or living in a steady and acceptable way to myself. It does not mean that I never feel off balance. I was involved in gymnastics in junior high and high school. I did work briefly on the balance beam. If my feet were not positioned correctly I quickly became off balance. Life’s challenges can do the same. Rarely does anyone achieve perfect balance all of the time.

I am definitely a planner. I plan my days ahead, the goals I want to achieve and the characteristics I want to develop. I like things to go a certain way and when they don’t I often feel off balance. Nothing can make you feel defeated more quickly than setting the bar too high, making comparisons and not being flexible. Disruptions are going to come most likely on a daily basis. Its how we handle them that keeps our lives in balance.

I have struggled alot with emotional balance which really has affected all of the other areas of my life. Trying to avoid those emotions seems to only make things worse. In my opinion it is good to feel your emotions and work through them, hopefully in a manageable way. It is when they become overpowering and controlling that you will fall off that balance beam! But if you do, seek help and get back up! Try again, and again and again, if necessary!

Have a great 2021!

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Grief generally is the result of losing something valuable that brings an emotional reaction of deep sadness. Some examples are, loss of a job, a relationship, a pet, a loved one, a wayward child, personal belongings or maybe a home. Grief can even surface with change in ones character or self image. Grief comes with abuse and manipulation.

I like to refer to Grief as an Art. Like any other Art it is very personal and unique in style and expression. Your depth of love for what you have lost cannot be measured. You can google ‘GRIEF’ and find steps that you will more than likely experience to some degree. But it is certainly not a guaruntee for a 100% recovery. There is no set amount of time it will take you to go through the grieving process. Nor is there a set time when you should be feeling better or happy again.

Turning to someone you trust to express your feelings can be beneficial but your feelings are ‘your feelings‘. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are grieving too much or not enough or its time to ‘get over it’ and move on. You will hear things that do not bring comfort or help you, but try to be compassionate to those who may speak to you. Most of the time they are at a loss of knowing what to say.

Grief can interfere with your life and those duties and responsibilities that are expected of you. You may have to talk to your boss or family and friends asking them to give you the time you need. If you are struggling with sleep and eating you may even need to talk to your doctor or go to counseling. In my own experience I have found that feeling the sadness and allowing it to exist in myself has been more beneficial than trying to suppress it. You are not weak because you grieve. For some it may never pass completley, but it will soften in time and you will eventually except your ‘new normal’.

Being a widow and alone the majority of the time during this Pandemic has been extremely difficult for me. The antidote that has helped me the very most is thinking outside of myself even if all I can do at the moment is to text someone and say “Hi, how are you?” And somedays I open my list of contacts and do just that. Serving and thinking of others has become the bandaid on the sore for me.

I testify that as you reach out to others and the Savior for their compassion and a listening ear you will begin to heal. I testify that your Father in Heaven wants to help you and He will always be there to listen and give you the strength you need. Jesus Christ has felt your suffering and knows how to succor you if you will only ask. Of course there will always be hard days, but if you lean on the Savior and His teachings and try to serve others, you will get through them. I know and believe with all my heart that many of the valuable things you and I have lost will someday be restored and we will experience a greater joy than we have ever known!

Never Give Up, There is Always Hope for a Better Tomorrow!

During this time of the year I often think of traditions old and new that have become part of my legacy. Some being ‘Timeless’ as no one really knew who started them but we know they have been passed on for many generations. Others being somewhat strange or silly like rolling hard boiled eggs on Easter from the top of a big hill to the bottom, telling little children that Santa’s birds are watching them and reporting back to the North Pole or eating bacon wrapped chicken livers before Thanksgiving dinner.

The ones that have stuck with me the most are those that portray the deep love of someone for another person or their family. A tradition generally contains worth or value in as much that someone desires to continue it and carry it on with there own family and maybe even with their grand children in hopes that it will continue to be passed on with future generations. One that I loved was writing letters to other family members and putting them in our Christmas stockings to be read Christmas morning. I have kept those letters and reread them from time to time. One of my daughter’s has chosen to continue that tradition and includes me in it.

My mom grew up during the Great Depression. She always desired to have a doll for Christmas but never received one as a child. People were just too poor for such an extravagant gift. I guess this had a big impact on my mom, because every year from the time I was little I received a doll for Christmas. I grew up loving them. And I couldn’t wait to have babies of my own. All I really ever wanted to be, was a mother. I think their was valuable lessons passed on to me in that tradition of receiving a doll each year. It taught me to be grateful for what I do have. And even though I still love dolls and have passed that tradition on, there is so much more hidden in the compassion and love my mother showed to me. She has always been a person of few words but even today as she lives at 100 years old, I feel her love for me. Through reflecting on her life and challenges I am still learning and growing and I am certain I will continue to do so long after she has passed to the other side.

Traditions can tell part of a story. Your story. If you haven’t adopted any traditions from the past you can start your own. Anyone can start a new tradition that may become unchanged by time and transcend to future generations. You may never know the impact that a tradition you start today may have on those yet to be born.

by Tanya Christiansen

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As I think back to the Birth of each of my eight children, I still have a sense of awe as I think of their tiny little bodies so delicate and new, sent from Heaven for a mortal experience. Some would only stay a few days but no matter how long or short the life would be, it was still part of God’s plan….. with an intentional purpose!

The celebration of Christmas mark’s the single most historical event ever known to mankind!!! The birth of our Lord and Savior in a lowly stable. There was no room in the Inn for a King to be born, no cradle for Him to lay in. Just hay to keep Him warm, yet part of God’s plan. The most important part! With an intentional purpose!!! This tiny baby was chosen to redeem all mankind from sin and suffering through A great and Infinite Atonement. Jesus Christ was born to die for each one of us and overcome death so that we might live eternally!

What does the Christ child’s birth, life and mission mean to you? Let me share with you what it means to me.

CHRIST’S birth means that:

I can repent and be forgiven when I make mistakes and commit sin because HE paid the price in Gethsemene by suffering and bleeding from every pore.

I will be resurrected after I die to an immortal state having a perfect body free from sickness and death because HE broke the band’s of death after HE was crucified in Calvary and rose the third day.

I can find peace and joy today as I study HIS teachings in the Holy scriptures. HIS mission and life teach me those principles I need to learn so that I can be truly happy.

I can live with my Family and friends for not only time but also for Eternity as I follow HIS example and strive to live a righteous life.

I can draw upon the strength that lies in understanding HIS enabling and healing power of the Atonement. This understanding will help me survive the hardships and trials I face each day.

The birth of a Babe born in Bethlehem means Everything to me!!! May we all reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas and receive the most precious gift our Father in Heaven has given all of His children in giving each of us His Son!

Merry CHRISTmas from my heart to yours!

I guess you could say that I’m a deep thinker. One thing that crosses my mind alot is what will be my legacy? When I am no longer here in this mortal existence and my name is mentioned, what will come into the minds of those who hear it? Will it be an inheritance I have left them, an antique passed down for several generations or will it be my character, my influence, or my values. Perhaps they will remember how I handled difficult trials. Maybe they will remember my love for music and share a piece I composed with their great grand child. I hope… that part of my legacy will be my deep love and appreciation for my Savior Jesus Christ. I hope they will not remember my failures, my harsh words, or my many mistakes.

There are numerous types of Legacies. Not all Legacies are about money or property. I like to think of the word ‘Legacy‘ as your imprint on the world, your community or your family. It is about your reputation, your beliefs and what you stand for.

Your legacy can and will influence others, negatively or positively. It will be passed on for generations to come after you are gone. Hopefully you will not be forgotten. It is what you are doing or not doing now that will become part of your personal Legacy. You can choose how you want that Legacy to look. Writing down your experiences good and bad is an excellent way to leave apart of yourself with those who will come into this world after you are gone. Something you share may have great value to someone born a hundred years from now.

I failed to ask questions about my ancestors when I was younger, and now that I am interested in knowing more I am finding it to be difficult to find the information I am looking for. I want to know the history of my grandparents and great grandparents. I want to know of their values and beliefs, their hardships and trials. I know that I can find strength in that knowledge. I may even find someone I look like or have things in common with.

I want my Legacy to consist of something valuable but not in a monetary sense. I feel that my main focus at this point in my life is to overcome the natural man in me and free myself of all those things that tend to damage and corrupt my self image as a Child of God. I want to be the kind of example that will give others a greater desire to follow Christ. That would be the greatest and most valuable Legacy I could leave my family, my friends and my community.

I wonder sometimes what the world will be like when my great grand children are raising families of their own. I know that they will need great strength. The Legacies we are creating today can be of great worth tomorrow!

If you haven’t already….. start creating your Legacy Today! Nothing is as valuable as leaving others a part of yourself!!!

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