I have learned not to spend alot of time ‘looking back’ unless there are lessons that can be learned. All we really have is the ‘here and now‘ and of course our memories and our future. I hope this post will motivate you to do some comparisons of where you and your loved ones have been and where you are headed.
These past several months I have been watching the youth of today, my own grandchildren and just all children and youth in general. I believe that technology and the cunning grip of the adversary is taking them away….. and not always to good places! Away from their families and other loved ones. Away from good wholesome activities that build self esteem and confidence. Away from learning without always turning to their electronic devices. Away from the desire to marry and have a family. Away from God, their Heavenly Father.
Looking back many years I remember, board games, puzzles, sleep overs at Grandma’s, ‘kick the can’ and no bears are out tonight. Bike rides, camping, piano lessons, running through the sprinklers, scavenger hunts, selling koolaid, learning how to tell time. (Which some of my older grandchildren can’t do), cursive writing and long division. Dinnertime conversations, and going for long walks. Most of these things would be considered boring in this modern world.
The youth today seem to have less interest in marrying and becoming parents. High standards and values are declining. Anxiety and depression is on the rise and if you don’t have a 4.0 or a full ride scholarship you are classified a ‘loser’. Kids are even confused about their gender. They deal with extreme pressure on a daily basis. Pressure to succeed, pressure to fit in and feel loved.
I’m not by any means qualified to give professional answers to the things happening in the world today. I am just a very concerned grandparent. I want my grandchildren to be successful and happy. I want them to know their worth as a son or daughter of God!
What do you see when you look back? Can it help you and those you love to have a better future?
We all come to the crossroads in life when we have to make important decisions. Which path will you take? 7Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
I have been working on this post for quite sometime, being a little afraid to expose this part of myself but knowing for certain that I am being prompted and that the time is now. But then tonight I attended a devotional where the main speaker shared his own story which was very similar to mine. For a little while I had second thoughts about posting this tonight because several of those that attended the devotional also follow my blog. I worried about how it would be received instead of remembering those promptings that have kept me awake these past few weeks. I briefly spoke with my Bishop as I left the church and he counseled me to Act on those promptings. I quickly realized that the Lord often teaches through repetition. For who or whatever reason it is time for me to publish this post.
This post is written for adults, parents and teens. My hope is to open your eyes more fully to the dangers of substance abuse. From personal experience I know there are generally other things going on in someone’s life before they turn to drugs and alcohol. Some are peer pressure, lack of confidence, low self esteem, wanting to fit in, depression, sin, abuse, being an over achiever, fear of failing, deep sorrow and anxiety. I really dont like to think back to this part of my life, but if my story and testimony of the Atonement of Christ can help someone to turn their life around or avoid making the mistakes I did, the few moments that I visit my past is totally worth it!
I wish I could say that I never ventured into the world of drugs and alcohol, but that statement would not be true. At the age of 19 that’s exactly where I found myself. Everyone told me it would stop the pain. I had experienced loss of a parent, moving to a new school, abuse, a teenage marriage and divorce, depression, and loss of self worth. I know those things are really no excuse, but they wore me down to the point that all I could think about was to stop hurting! I found myself swirling around in a deep dark hole that seemed to have no bottom. At this point I didn’t really care about keeping commandments and had broke most of them. The turning point for me was one particular night when I was driving home after partying and I couldn’t find my apartment. I can’t find words to express just how scary that was for me! I realized then that I was either going to end up in jail or dead. That was the first time I prayed out loud in along time. I woke up in my bed, not really sure how I had gotten there, nor did I have much recollection of the things that had transpired the night before.
I didn’t really know what to do or where to begin to make significant changes, but I knew I had to. I don’t think I have ever felt more alone in my life. So I prayed and cried and prayed some more. I was so blessed when a knock came on my apartment door and the Bishop in the area I lived in, introduced himself and invited me to church. I know without any doubt that my prayer was heard that day. It took alot of courage to take him up on his offer…. but I did. Luckily my period of alot of bad choices was short lived, and through repentance and patience I eventually found my Eternal companion and married in the Logan LDS Temple.
You might be thinking that my story had a nice ending, but my challenges didn’t stop there. The result of my poor choices and the poor choices of others had lasting effects that carried into my years of being a wife and mother, making things much more difficult. You see…..I hadn’t really learned how to forgive myself and others or how to access the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I also had big trust issues and I struggled with letting anyone get close to me. I preferred staying away from people as much as possible. I struggled with making eye contact thinking that people could see my past when they looked at me. I thought I had repented but I still carried shame and guilt. I wasn’t always the best wife but my husband was always very patient and kind. I was determined that my kids would never make the mistakes I did. Giving them their agency was difficult. I endured many more hardships with a chronic illness (diagnosed in 1986), bed ridden pregnancies, the passing of two sons and one daughter, and the passing of my husband seven years ago to cancer……but I now see the wisdom in those trials. The Lord tries us and proves us to help us grow. Each trial has taught me important gospel principles and has drawn me closer to my Father in Heaven. I am still working at being the person that a kind and loving Father in Heaven wants me to be. But hey…I am getting there slowly!
I will be forever grateful for the gift of repentance and the help of my Heavenly Father’s servants here on earth who I have crossed paths with these past 8 years. I know that it is no coincidence that I became connected with certain people when I was at the lowest point in my life, not wanting to be here anymore. Their wisdom, guidance and unconditional love has far surpassed anything I could have ever imagined. Counseling has also played a big part in my recovery and progress. After 47 years I finally feel the effects of substance abuse and sin lifted!!!
I now have a greater empathy and understanding for those who have been caught in the web of one of Satan’s snares. The best advice I can give to someone dealing with this horrible sugar coated falsehood, is to turn to your Father in Heaven and find a trusted friend or family member who can support you in making serious changes in your life. Christ can be that trusted friend if you will let him. For teens who haven’t crossed the line to experience drugs and alcohol, good for you!!! It can destroy you spiritually, physically and mentally, it kills brain cells besides harming other organs, it does not take pain away, it only creates more. It is a tool of Satan to pull you down to destruction!
I am living proof that there is a way back! That way is through following the commandments in the Holy scriptures and through the grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ who has suffered and died for the sins and suffering of all mankind. He has felt your pain and my pain. I have personally felt His cleansing power! I love Him! I will always honor Him with deep reverence and respect. If you have lost your way, seek help now!!! Don’t think you can beat it on your own!!! If you know someone struggling with substance abuse, love them and encourage them to get help!
By Tanya Christiansen
The 12 step addiction recovery program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is there to help anyone with any kind of addiction! addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org.
National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP
Drugs and Alcohol Kill!
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This post is for teens and adults who have struggled to feel safe and secure in your relationships. But really anyone can apply these principles in helping to establish healthy relationships. I am here to tell you that settings boundaries can take away those feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty that have a way of damaging self esteem and keeping one from being their true self.
Settingboundaries is a skill that I learned from my therapist while struggling with the effects of abuse and loss. In my youth I had somehow adapted the feeling that I had to please everyone by going along with whatever was asked in order to feel excepted and loved. What a falsehood that was. That belief I had developed, caused me to end up in alot of uncomfortable situations, some of them even dangerous. I eventually became very introvert.
My therapist used the analogy of a house to compare with different relationships and their level of respect and trust. Of course we want to be kind to everyone and some of our relationships are simply very casual, only being aquainted with someone that we see occasionally in passing. Those people most likely remain on the sidewalk in front of our home. We don’t share much about our lives with them. It’s generally just a “Hi, how are you?”
Next there are those who we consider our friends. The depth of that friendship can vary. We may allow some to come through our gate to visit with us on our porch. We share the day to day events going on in our lives, but nothing too personal.
Other friends we may have developed a stronger bond with and we invite them intoour living room.We enjoy spending time together and serving and helping each other.
The deepest kind of relationships are those with deep respect and trust. They may be a friend or church leader, a therapist or advisor, a spouse or a family member. We feel accepted and loved unconditionally and feel we can invite them into all the rooms of our home. We can be open and honest with these people. We have a deep love and respect for them. We feel we can share personal things. We know we can trust them to keep confidences. We can voice our opinion even if it is different than theirs without feeling judged.
It is okay and sometimes even necessary to set boundaries. It’s okay to say no. You get to decide who you allow to come through the gate and be involved in your life. You don’t have to go along with the crowd or what everyone else is doing just to fit in or feel excepted. You are unique! You are a child of God! You will feel a burden lifted when you are true to who you really are!
Set boundaries that protect you from harm.
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Roses and Mothers are much the same, both are God’s Masterpieces
This post is in honor of my Mother who passed away Jan. 20, 2021 at the age of 100, just three weeks before turning 101. What an amazing person she was and is still, I’m certain. She did the title of ‘Mother’ well.
I dont believe you have to give birth to be a mother. But there are certain qualifications you will have to meet. Starting with unconditional love and loyalty. Tenderness, kindness, patience, compassion and perseverance. You must be determined and hard working, oh….. and on call 24/7. You will wear many hats. Doctor, nurse, chauffeur, cook, therapist, carpenter, teacher, secretary, and housekeeper. You must be willing to sacrifice your own desires for the desires and needs of others. Unselfishness is a required trait along with giving your own life if necessary. Wisdom and knowledge in all areas would be helpful and beneficial when you are giving guidance and counsel. You may be required to give protection and console those who are suffering. You will need to be able to see the good in others and help them meet their full potential. It’s possible that this calling may be so demanding that you will not have much time for yourself….. for sleep, for hobbies or relaxation. But your reward will be seeing others happy and successful!
Of course, even Mothers feel like they are falling short sometimes. I have been there many times. In my eyes you have not failed until you stop trying. God needs mothers who do their best, who keep loving, who keep caring!
The Calling of Mother is truly one of God’s Masterpieces!
I love and miss you Mom, thanks for all you did for me!!!
I don’t claim to be an expert in raising teens by any means, but I have learned a thing or two from raising five energetic, anxious, sensitive, independent, competitive, smart, beautiful daughters!
Face reality! Babies do not come with an instruction book! Most of the things I have learned, unfortunately came from ‘trial and error.’ I quickly learned that each of my daughters were uniquely different, and responded and grasped learning in their own personal way.
At times I felt very unqualified to help mold and shape these beautiful spirits from heaven into confident, strong and successful mortal adults. I think partly because I didn’t consider myself as one. My husband was an excellent provider, spouse and father but traveled a big majority of those years that our daughters were growing up, so much of the responsibilities of raising them fell to me.
I want to share with you the four C’s of raising Teens that I believe can be beneficial to any parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, church leader, neighbor or friend. After all, I believe it takes a whole community to help the youth in this world grow and develop into strong, courageous and responsible adults!
Compassion
As humans we all need compassion and love. Teens have enough uncertainty going on in their minds without wondering if they are loved and truly cared about. Compassion means sometimes just listening and trying to understand what your teen is going through. I was raised in a family where the words ‘I Love You’ weren’t spoken. I really didn’t think about compassion and understanding until I had children of my own. I must have felt the lack of it growing up because I was determined that I would be there for my kids and be sure they knew of my love for them.
Communication
I can’t express enough the importance of open communication between you and your teen. My father died when I was eight and I had none of this growing up with my mom. Her generation was much more private when it came to conversations and discussing more serious topics such as dating, morality, chastity, sexuality and marriage. I remember trying to talk to my mom only one time about something very personal and her response was, “we dont talk about things like that.” I dont blame my mom for her response because it was just the way things were back then. But…..it did close that door of communication. I developed an unhealthy perception of morality and sexuality. Teens need truthful answers to their questions but choose your words carefully. Show interest in what they are expressing to you without judgement. Guide them and make suggestions without giving them the solution to their problems.
Consequences
Consequences can be both positive and negative. Good choices bring the consequence of success and happiness. While mistakes and bad choices bring the consequences of despair, sadness and even punishment. No child, teen or adult is exempt from this fact. Consequences are what help teens to make better choices in the future. All consequences follow some type of action. Family rules are just as important as laws. Involving your teens when making those rules and deciding what the consequences will be can be beneficial. Involving them puts the ball in their court. I didn’t really have any rules growing up or curfews. I didn’t even have chores. Our house was spotless but my mom did it all besides working outside the home. I dated at fourteen and married at seventeen. I experienced many hardships with lasting negative effects that have taken a lifetime to overcome. I believe that rules and consequences give teens a sense of safety and protection. It also helps them to know they are genuinely cared about. Teens want boundaries even if they say they don’t.
Consistency
The lack of consistency with your rules and consequences tell children and teens that you’re not serious. As hard as it is sometimes to follow through it is probably one of the most important messages you can give your teen. Sometimes it is referred to as tough love. This is such a valuable lesson for youth to learn when heading into the adult world. As you are consistent your teens will gain respect for you and know that you stand behind the words you speak with nothing wavering. Consistency will bring them a feeling of security. (Even if they won’t admit it.)
The world out there can be cruel, crazy and uncertain and it seems to be getting more so all the time. I know that the youth living today are strong. They have to be! I believe that God loves each one of them with a perfect love. He will guide you as you teach them if you ask for help in faith!
There is Life After Teens!
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